Lowering the bar in higher education
Where do mustard lovers go to college? POUPON U, of course. There’s a healthy mixture of this, that and the other going on at America’s Mustard College. While we don’t field a football team, we certainly don’t miss out on the spirit of a couple fight songs. And, there’s always something hot & spicy going on over at the Poupon U Drama Club. Aspiring thespians are showing up at Mustardpiece Theater in droves wearing their official Poupon U gear as they audition for the Cole Porter musical Squeeze Me, Kate.
You could spend tens of thousands of dollars at an accredited university. But for what? A real college education? Save your money for mustard. You can earn a degree from Poupon U for only 8 bucks. And, for true condimental convenience, they sell the diplomas right at the Campus Bookstore!
We know a college education can be difficult and challenging. Let’s face it: getting into one of those big name schools and flunking out is a major bummer. Thankfully, that’s totally not a problem at POUPON U. We don’t burden our students with intellectual pursuits, challenging courses, or inspiring professors. Naaaaah, it’s just great food, rousing songs, and boundless absurdity that makes Poupon U the top ranked school in advanced mustard studies.
So, toss on that Poupon U sweatshirt, grab a cup of hot cocoa in your Poupon U mug and chant or sing along…
Poupon U Pep Rally Chant
Who needs Harvard, who needs Yale?
At POUPON U, you’ll never fail!
Stanford, Princeton? Big mistake!
POUPON U’s a piece of cake.
POUPON U Fight Song
On our hot dogs, on our bratwurst,
Mustard is so cool.
Never mayo, never ketchup
They’re against the rules.
Gleaming gold and mellow yellow,
Smooth, rough, sweet and hot,
Fight, POUPON U, we’ll fight
and eat some lunch.
POUPON U Fight Song
(South Bend Version)
Eat, eat, at old POUPON U,
Bratwursts and hot dogs,
All with mustard spread on thick,
We never eat ketchup
‘Cause it makes us sick!
We slather it on our bagels and fries,
Licorice and corn flakes,
Even with our Irish stew,
‘Cause we’re true to POUPON U!
Roll Out the Mustard!
composed and arranged by
Roll out the mustard
On pretzels and tofu and cheese,
On a baked potato,
On muffins and green beans and peas.
Try it in risotto,
On roast beef and burgers and chops,
Let it be the star of your sandwich,
So use mustard wherever it plops!